im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
