All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
