I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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