honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
