I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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