remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
