its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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