what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
