he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
