First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
