I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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