i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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