Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
