Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
