I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
