She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
