so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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