I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
