Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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