is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
