Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
