Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
