i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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