I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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