I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
