all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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