please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
