he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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