if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
