My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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