I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
