Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
