I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
