First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
