paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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