How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
