So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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