i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
