I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
