Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
