I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
