with your own penis?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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