please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
