dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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