Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
