the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
