Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
