i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
