Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
