So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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