I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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