He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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