So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
