We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
